23rd January 2024: 5:30 p.m.
I finally finished packing. I've lost track of how many times I have unloaded and reloaded everything into my suitcase, double and triple and quadruple checking that I have everything I need. Still, the ever-nagging voice in my brain questions if I have everything, and if there is something major which I am forgetting.
With every passing hour, I can't help but watch the clock. It is such a strange feeling to leave in the middle of the night, knowing I won't be back for a while. My flight to Dallas leaves at 6:20 a.m., meaning that I need to be at the airport by 4:00 a.m. In other words, I will not be getting sleep tonight.
It has been hard to turn that part of my brain off which naggingly reminds me of how “this will be the last time I do this” for a while. Last night was the last time I slept in my bed for a few months or the last time I made coffee or used the microwave. I'm not unfamiliar with these thoughts, they were quite frequent when I initially left for university a year and a half ago.
The thoughts are completely irrational and like to tell me that I am making the worst decision of my life by getting out of my comfort zone and doing something exciting. Change has never come naturally to me, and it takes great effort to get myself in a mindset for where I can adjust to those changes. No matter whether it is starting a new school year, moving rooms, joining a new club, or flying halfway around the world, I always feel the same levels of anxiety.
In all honesty, I am kind of terrified out of my mind for the next 24 hours. I am walking straight into this with the knowledge that these next couple of days are not going to be super fun for me. However, I also know that these next few months are going to hold some of the greatest experiences of my life.
This was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that I applied to on a whim, and I don't know that it has fully sunk in yet. In fact, I don't think it will really fully sink in until I am getting on that plane in approximately 13 hours. My mind just can't wrap around the fact that I am flying Halfway Around the World to live in Ireland for three months.
If you had told me even two years ago, little high school senior me, I don't think I'd have believed you. I would have said that that was a dream, but nothing more. There was no way I would have the opportunity to experience one of my favorite European cultures firsthand so soon. I've always loved the idea of traveling, which is why I applied to the program, but I never actually believed I would be sitting here now writing this.
Looking back at how far I have come even in the last two years is overwhelmingly crazy. That kid who had just turned 18, still not knowing who they are in the world, it's amazing. I'd like to think she'd be proud of the person I turned into, like to think she’d think I was cool. We'll never really know of course, but that's who I'm doing this for. I'm doing it for my present self of course, but I'm also doing it for that little kid who needed that escape.
She dreamed of traveling the world and seeing everything, and that's who I'm doing all of this for. I want to make her proud and see that there is more to the world than the hardships of her childhood.
Over the next three months, I hope to do these day-in-the-life blog posts, hopefully daily. Don't hold me to the ‘daily’ bit, but I'd like to try to be frequent with them. This is my way of documenting my time in Ireland and all the adventures that I'm going to go on, but also as a way of taking my friends and family with me.
Everyone who has supported me in this impulsive adventure over the last year has been more than I could have ever, ever hope to thank. All of your love and support for me and what I want to do has been amazing and there is no way I could ever express how much I appreciate you all.
It is my hope that this blog will help show you just how grateful I am and give you the chance to live vicariously through me for a little bit. Be your family, friends, classmates, or professors, thank you, and wish me the best of luck as I start this next chapter of my life.
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